What You Say After a Tough Match Matters Most

“Well, I didn’t see you play your best today.”

“Looks like we have to do more private lessons..."

“Your serving was off today.”

Has something like this ever slipped out after your athlete’s tough match? As a parent, it’s natural to want to address what just happened. Maybe you’re frustrated, maybe you want to help them improve, or maybe you’re just not sure what else to say in the moment. Coaches feel it too. After a long day of competition, emotions run high: maybe our team didn’t perform well, maybe injuries forced changes, or maybe a string of bad calls threw us off.

But here’s the truth: in those moments, both coaches and parents have the power to either lift an athlete up or chip away at their confidence. Every word matters.

Thrive Volleyball Club, 15/16 Hybrid Team (2025)

1. Know What They Need

Every player is different and may need a different approach—some want direct feedback, and some need time and space to process. Do you know what your player needs during tough times and what approach they prefer? If not, don’t assume. Open the lines of communication and ask:

• What do you need from me?

• How do you want me to support you after games?

• Do you want to talk right now?

Young athletes will certainly put up a wall if they aren’t open to what we’re giving—and, let’s be honest, they will do everything they can to keep that wall up if they don’t feel safe. Asking builds trust, and trust is the foundation of confidence.

2. Timing Is Everything

After a tough day, it may be best not to talk about it or bring it up at all. Sometimes it’s better to throw out one or two positives to focus on instead. Once things calm down and emotions settle, it may be a better time to reflect.

By not giving things time to breathe, you risk hurting the player’s mindset if it becomes a pattern that their parent digs in right after a game. Remember, you hold much of their confidence in the palm of your hand.

3. Let Them Lead the Reflection

If and when the time feels right, you can ask things like:

• What do you feel you did well?

• What do you feel was your strongest skill?

• If you could redo one play, what would you change?

When athletes find their own answers, they take ownership of their growth. They stop seeing “bad days” as failures and start seeing them as learning opportunities.

4. End With Pride

At their core, they need to know you feel proud of them. I promise—you can’t tell them enough. Your pride is the anchor they cling to when the waves get rough and I guarantee it has a direct impact on their performance.

It Takes All of Us

It takes self-awareness and a willingness to adapt to what an athlete needs. Not every moment will call for the same thing—it’s a constant conversation. At the end of the day, you will grow as a person and parent, and likely grow even closer to your child. Youth sports can be tough to navigate, but that’s why we’re here. Sports grow us in ways we never expected.